When we packed up to come to the country I looked forward to two weeks of fresh-air, close-to-nature bliss. Could I have been any more wrong? Possibly, if we had two cats instead of one.
I have a confession to make. I thought I knew enough about cats to not be surprised by anything they do. Ye gods was I wrong. I detailed my cat trials and tribulations in a podcast here but it wasn’t enough. I need to rant more.
By rant I mean complain about cats being an inconsiderate bunch and the weather being just as inconsiderate. It was sunny when I needed it to be cold and wet so I could do some work without having to threaten the cat to strangle him if he didn’t shut up about going outside to climb all the trees and give me vertigo.
In one week he’s climbed four trees, two of them dangerously high, got his collar (put around his neck so we can spot him among everything that camouflages him, which is, well, everything) caught on a branch, almost hanged himself, tried to sneak out into the wilderness, climbed on the roof and made us search for him all over the place and had Little C. in tears thinking he had died. It’s been a fun week. My nerves are still shaking with laughter.
The most fun part is the realisation we effectively treat our cat as a human toddler. This is ridiculous and wrong, I know, but we need some time to get used to the fact he is not a toddler. Toddlers can’t be left on their own outside for any length of time lest they manage to kill or maim themselves. Toddlers also can’t be reasoned with and let me tell you my appreciation for my argumentative 9-year-old Little C. has not doubled but tripled.
How not to make an April Fools joke
In case you are a normal person and don’t spend hours every day swimming in news, here’s the story: Volkswagen tried to be original, innovative, disruptive and [fill-in-blank-buzzword] at marketing, and literally scammed journalists into believing it was going to change the name of its U.S. operations to VolTswagen. Hilarious, right?
The scam came out a few hours after its perpetration when I guess someone at the company woke up from an original, innovative, disruptive and [fill-in-blank-buzzword] coma to realise there was such a thing as going too far and it was when you told fake news was true to the AP, Reuters and half a dozen other respected media.
Things got even more hilarious when VW said the scam was an early April Fools joke. A marketing stint. Which moved share prices, alerted securities market authorities to VW’s novel marketing practices and, I’m sure, made a lot of editors swear their newsrooms will only cover VW news in case of emergency but never as part of regular business. Okay, I’m not sure about that second part but they should. No one should mess with the media. The media’s excellent at messing with itself, after all. The profound conclusion? Don’t try to be like Elon Musk when you’re not Elon Musk.
The profundity of bread-making
Here’s another example of a brain hiccup that cannot be undone. I put this down as a subheading yesterday when I was taking notes for this blog and by today the reason I did it has gone away forever. I’m sure there are many profound things about bread-making such as that it teaches you patience (can’t hurry yeast) and perseverance (won’t work without kneading) but did I mean those when I wrote the subheading? No idea. But I’ll try to squeeze some profundity from my brain.
I’ve been making bread every day for weeks now. It’s not that hard with an electric mixer and the absolutely best bread recipe ever (basic Italian bread, features olive oil that makes it SOFT). I’ve got so good the other day Little C. ate half a loaf straight off the pan. Half. She literally gobbled it up and while a small whiny part of me whispered “What if she gets fat?” the rest of me melted with pleasure and that special feeling of fulfillment you get when you see your hard work receiving the appreciation it deserves.
See? Bread-making is profound. Everyone should try it at least once. To this recipe. Bread-making doesn’t get much simpler than this and the result will likely make you believe the world can be a better place and you just got a glimpse of that better place. Why not move in permanently?
Profound Picture for Next Week
See featured image above. We live below an enchanted forest.
Book-peddling time: if you’re in the mood for some dragons and vampires, or mysterious vanishing planes, try The Lamiastriga (which you can’t read for free on this blog) or Sky High (which you can read for free on this blog or on Kobo).